The cross-examination of potential jurors yielded plenty of Cenobites and local teenagers alike.

Ladies and gentlemen of the courtroom, your honor, jury, tonight we present to you two of the modern era’s more gruesome villains. One, an inbred killer from the backwoods of Texas, unloved by his family, neglected for years and years. The other, a jilted lover, abused as a child and unable to connect with society because of a crippling case of agoraphobia. I ask you, America, are these men so evil? From an IMDB scribe…

Clive Barker’s feature directing debut graphically depicts the tale of a man and wife who move into an old house and discover a hideous creature – the man’s half-brother, who is also the woman’s former lover – hiding upstairs. Having lost his earthly body to a trio of S&M demons, the Cenobites, he is brought back into existence by a drop of blood on the floor. He soon forces his former mistress to bring him his necessary human sacrifices to complete his body… but the Cenobites won’t be happy about this. Written by Ary Luiz Dalazen Jr. {ajr@fortalnet.com.br}

No, indeed, the Cenobites will not be happy about this at all. The Cenobites are uncomfortable to work with in that way. Lots of complaints from HR about those guys. No wonder they went private sector.

Anyway, tonight’s double-feature hopefully, um, features lots of mindless popcorn guzzling and hands on face screaming. Wear your 3D glasses so you can look funny when we take pictures of you.

Samir is mega-upset that we didn't give him any trivia hints.

Hey. Sorry guys. Office was busy today and we didn’t have time to get into a preview of tonight’s movie, Office Space. Come anyway. It’s very funny. If you’re checking this at the last minute and you’re worried we aren’t having a movie, fear no longer, we are indeed showing a movie, Office Space, at the regular time. And so on. Okay!

"Allow myself to reintroduce myself/ My name is Austin/ pronounced like Boston/ oh ladies, how I like your costumes"

Tonight we celebrate a landmark of cinema. A true watershed in the British pastiche genre of filmmaking, its genius never seen prior and only replicated in sequels. You can’t make perfection twice. I’m speaking mostly, of course, about Liz Hurley, the original FemBot, the thespianess who crafted such lively characters from mere words on a script, who Fellini considered to have the greatest teeth for a British actress in American cinema in the modern history of British actresses being attractive in American cinema.

I read that on the internet (shortly after I published this post), ergo, it’s true.

Some important news about tonight’s viewing:

-Despite advertisement to the contrary, we have not had popcorn yet. Tonight that changes. Oh and it is gooood movie popcorn.

- Trivia winners will be awarded a choice of tickets to upcoming shows. We were giving away monetary credits for food bills but unfortunately the MAN shut us down! VABC does not approve of free drinks. Fascists.

Anyway, stay tuned, for more updates and plans for tonight’s movie and helpful hints re: trivia. For now, I have to go participate in a dance-off to save the REC center. It is the only way to reach these kids today, with the rap music and the break dancing.

I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat. Couple of pigs watching… not a question per se, but what do you have to say to that?

Saturday night is our North Mississippi All-Stars show, and we’re doing a little something different to get our fans a little more involved, since most of the time you all just sit there and passively drink and listen to music and dance and stuff. Well, we’re tired of it. You need to start carrying your weight. That’s why we’re giving you the opportunity to ask the band a question, live, in front of everyone. It’s called a “fan-conference” and it’s all the rage. Tweet your question to us (@statetheatredc) or give it to us on facebook.

NMAS’s are an interactive band and they want to get interactive with you, too. They promise to meet your parents first. Anyway, what sorts of questions might one axe the All-Stars? Their feelings on Tibetan freedom? Did they watch that futbol match the other day? Favorite Disney movie?

No, no, and no. Who are you people asking those dumb questions? Get out of here. Ask them about their music, their touring, songwriting, practicing, desires and ambitions, plans, things of that nature. They will answer them live on stage. Whatever you do, don’t put them on the spot for a paternity test, those never work out how you want them to.

Finally, for those of you not in the know, here is video from their performance on The Late Show with Craig Ferguson:

These guys haven't even started practicing yet and LA-area terrier/talent scout Herman already knows they are the real deal.

 If there’s one thing you can rely on the State Theatre to do, it’s to spell things wrong on our marquee. If there’s another thing we are at least pretty good at, it’s hosting the world’s finest menagerie of touring tribute bands. Forgive me for getting a little bit wistful, but I love tribute bands. When I was in high school I paid a Benjermin to sit 150 yards away from Bruce Springsteen, and it was pretty good. A few weeks ago, Bruce In the USA came through and rocked the house proper. Everything I wanted to hear, loud, small venue, and in the end, there is nothing to lose. Are you going to gripe that they didn’t play that song off the Rising that only you like? Door’s that way, bud; these colors don’t run.

Anyway, we have a nice little slate of tributes coming up. And because we care, because we love you, because you mean that much to us, we are giving away tickets like we don’t need the money (we do) at various events over the next few weeks. Let me break it down for you one time, Barry White style:

Satisfaction: According to their website, this Rolling Stone’s tribute “Shined like the real Stones” and are a “must see… you get satisfaction.” Man, how come I can’t get a job where I can write that?

Fake Mick Jagger even has Altamont flashbacks!! Must be the acid!! "Everybody just chillll out!"

2U: The Galaxy’s cockiest U2 tribute. These guys are the exactly like U2. They’ll even steal your spotlight when you think you’ve done something spectacular. What else do you want in a wildly successful (knockoff) rock band?

The Machine: This Pink Floyd tribute was also one of our better shows last summer, as some jokester spiked the water jugs with DHB they have honed their sound to the specifics of the original band and put on a killer light show.

Appetite for Destruction: I’ve never seen these guys, but Guns n’ Roses appear to be resurfacing just in time to take advantage of Avatar-level 3D technology so that dolphins really can swim into your living room. I might don a wig and assless chaps for this one. What? No you’re gay.

Ah yes, the giveaways! How could I forget:

–At this weekend’s Legwarmers shows (sold out: worm caught; early bird prime suspect) we’ll be manning a booth in the lobby talkin’ bout the Magic Hat Beer Dinner (more on that here), and if you sign up for that with us you’ll get two (2) tickets of your choice to any of those shows above (except the Machine, so you know they’re good).

–At EVERY Monday Movie Night we will be giving away tickets to trivia winners. It’s pretty simple. The trivia isn’t all that difficult, and we’ll have multiple pairs of tickets to give away. It’ll depend on what show’s are coming up (we will try hard not to give you tickets to past shows) obviously but keep that in mind.

As always, much love amigos. Questions? Concerns? Observations? Leave them in the comments.

Before Friends, Jennifer Aniston had to cut her chops on the horror movie circuit.

You ladies are receiving a citation.. for being sexy in public.

Tonight at the State we celebrate the rennaissance of a man who was once another Hollywood junkie forced to star in the feel good movie of the year every six months to support his rock-star cocaine habit, mostly so he could impress himself while his groupies listened to him ramble on about Proust after a night out at the Viper Room. That rebirth comes in the form of Iron Man, a legitimately sweet action movie directed by Jon Favreau and featuring the Dude in an awesome role as the villain, Rick Ross.

Jeff Bridges?

Rick Ross?

So you weren’t paying attention and the movie folks here at the theatre snuck in two Jeff Bridges performances in two completely different movies. What are ya gonna do? Thought so.

Anyway, Iron Man is the story of how Robert Downey Jr. and Jeff Bridges get in an argument and put on weaponized metal suits and … what else is there to say. Robert Downey Jr.  versus Jeff Bridges in weaponized metal suits? Did you want to hear about Gwenyth Paltrow?

Well, okay then. She’s got red hair in this movie. From a male perspective, I like the way Gwenyth Paltrow looks, and also how when she came on the scene for years other girls were totally jealous of her. But from a human perspective I hear she’s a total beeyitch and she made Coldplay suck and I will take that to the grave. For that she will never be forgiven. Also, according to IMDB…

Robert Downey Jr. would ask for many takes of one scene since he wanted to try something new. Gwyneth Paltrow, on the other hand, had a difficult time trying to match Downey with a suitable line, as she never knew what he would say.

Not too impressive. Good thing she’s only in a couple of scenes. Terrence Howard is also in this joint (Terrence Howard movies can only be referred to as “joints”) as RDJr’s administrative assistant (?) but supposedly a classmate of Stark’s at MIT, in other words a great example of the glass cieling for African-Americans.  Howard seemed pretty interested in the role anyway, but he gets replaced by Don Cheadle in the sequel when his character actually does cool stuff. Sucks for him.

Tonight’s trivia will be superhero-based. So if you’re studying up for some free stuff, peruse that list. I’ll try not to make it as hard last week’s Lebowski trivia, which was, by all accounts, completely impossible.

Can I possibly add to this picture?

While the rest of the world (looking at you, Norway) proved incapable of going JUST ONE BLIZZARD WITHOUT DRESSING UP IN SCUBA GEAR AND CHASING THE GOOGLE MAPS CAR WITH A TRIDENT, I SWEAR, plenty of intellectual babies have been incubating in the womb of the State under the thick, cold, dirty, was-wet-but-now-is-just-a-spot-where-it-was-wet-before blanket we call snow. So, to make up for lost time, let me introduce you to those things in a new segment we like to call RapiDFire!!

Never trust an Iguana around your pets.

Several shows got cancelled or rescheduled or altered to account for the snow. The Iguanas were scheduled for Friday Feb 5th but have rescheduled to June 4th. The Iguanas were part of our Mardi Gras onslaught, as the New Orleans band was prepared to hold a live interview on parallels between Katrina and Haiti (which had just occurred at the time) and the original date was two days before the Super Bowl, a week before our Mardi Gras Madness Party and Tab <3enoit Valetine’s, three weeks before Trombone Shorty, and a New Orleans inspired Magic Hat Beer Dinner thrown in there too.  

The odds of TWO separate daunting snowfalls coming on December 19th (original Legwarmers date) and January 30th (re-scheduled date from December 19th) have to be, I don’t know, one middle finger per hand from the weather gods. Thankfully the storm held off just enough to allow about 85% of Brat

Lazy, selfish, phenomenally talented Pinetop Perkins

Packers to come and get wild but it was certainly a close call. Unfortunately for the Diva’s Ball, originally scheduled for the day after the Iguanas, we had to postpone that one indefinitely. Not sure about the date  yet, but you’ll definitely be hearing about it here.

Not to be outdone, my man Pinetop Perkins was scheduled to play this past Friday the 12th and couldn’t get on his flight from New Orleans (seriously, I feel like a radio DJ holding off an impending format change). Personally, I think he’s just lazy and selfish, but also I think he’s really old and really old people are lazy and selfish. Aside from that though, he is pretty good at playing music and the show is re-scheduled for March 5th. So come see it.

This isn't NAM, Smokey, there are rules.. (couldn't come up with anything funnier than the actual dialog. sorry)

Tonight we show a movie that was meant to be shown on a Sunday afternoon to cure a hangover Monday night with a bar close by. The Big Lebowski, the Coen brothers’ epic journey of Jeffrey Lebowski, The Dude, and his quest for sanity in a world that seems to only care about breaking into his house and pissing on his rug.

Needless to say, but I’m pretty excited about it. We’ve already got a few calls making sure we are still open to show the movie tonight. Even my parents are coming. So, uh, don’t plan on sneaking a doobie up into the balcony, they will seriously harsh your mellow. No one likes to be grabbed by their ears and lectured, especially by someone else’s mom.

Ve beliefe in nussing, Lebowski! Nussing!

Tonight will also be special because as sacrifice to Ullr, Norse God of Snow, admission to the movie will be free. As always, YOU ARE ENCOURAGED TO COME IN COSTUME, and you can use that extra $3 to try some of our delicious food. Personally, I am going to exploit the fact that I work here to get free food. I just want someone to talk to about how good it is.

Anyway, we’ll figure out something cool with which to reward those who come in costume. (Obviously its really cold and miserable outside, but at the very least I expect a valiant effort. Bandana and aviators, purple velour bowling jumpsuits, tight black spandex, one toe missing, wheelchair, whatever, just be creative.)

See you tonight, amigos!

Hey kim, can Ray-J do THAT??

Well it’s that time of year, folks. The Big Game is upon us. The playoffs played off in delightful fashion, and if you’re a conspiracy theorist like the amigo here then you have plenty of fodder to scratch into your wall as proof you weren’t crazy when the feds come get you. Anyway, two really good teams are playing in what appears to be an exciting Big Game on paper. (We’re legally prohibited from calling it the S*p*r B*wl so we’re going with “Big Game”.  Although I like it better as Uper Owl Sunday.)

To keep things interesting, we are giving you free hot dogs until they run out, and free wings at halftime. On top of that, I will personally hook you up IF you get one of these prop bets on the nose. I haven’t figured out what I’m going to hook you up with, but place your bets in the comments section.

Finally, I found this video in my wayward internet travels of what the Super Bowl would look like if different famous directors had been in charge of it. Pretty spot on stuff. Someone at NYU just got an A on their final. (video won’t work. mothersnapper. here is the link anyway)

Coin toss: Who will RECIEVE the coin toss?

Will Kim update her gameday gear?? Only BETTING can make you CARE!!1!

First Mardi Gras reference (to the nearest minute)

Total # of references to Hurricane Katrina in the FIRST HALF

# of Peyton Manning commercials to run in FIRST HALF

Over/under: Comparisons of Katrina and Haiti FULL GAME: 3

Total combined yards from scrimmage in FIRST HALF

Receiver to make first touchdown CATCH

(bonus: Describe, AS ACCURATELY AS POSSIBLE, any touchdown celebration)

Any player to score a defensive touchdown SECOND HALF

# of shots of New Orleans (historic, demolished, otherwise)

Color of Kim Kardashian’s wardrobe

Final score: winner and closest to the number